Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
