If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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