i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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