I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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