did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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