Taylor Swift is so right about you.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
