On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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