Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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