did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone signed my nipple.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
