There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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