I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
