i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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