I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
