I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
