The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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