She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
