Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
