I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
