It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just crazy horny about you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
