make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
