i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
