i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
