I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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