I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
