I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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