My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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