THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
