Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
