My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
