he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
