I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
