Only a mothe r could love this liver
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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