guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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