shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
