so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
