My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
