I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
