That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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