New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
