my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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