cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
