I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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