I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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