girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
