like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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