Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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