wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
