So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
