That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
