i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
