By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
