OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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