i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
