thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
