the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
