I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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